You're Not Good Enough
by noobl
Summary: (based off the recent sneak peek clip) Star lives in the shadow of her mother. Feeling outcast and incapable, she comes to a revelation.
1. Realize

A/N: This is based off the new sneak peek clip of Butterfly Follies, so by all means, watch it!

or not i guess, you do you

* * *

Star stood still, squinting her eyes and scrutinizing the laughing crowds and the portrayal of herself. A frown was becoming more and more apparent each passing moment. The play had just ended, yet the crowd was still uproarious in their banter and rowdy, cracking jokes about the royal family and their incompetence.

"Star, come on… let's just leave." Marco urged, trying his best to divert Star's attention from the procession in front of them, not wanting to see more of the scene afront him. "We gotta get back to work."

Star paused, and for a moment, she seemed to be on the verge of lashing out at the crowd, to show that everything they'd said wasn't true, that she cared for her people just as much as her mother, her grandmother, and every single one of her predecessors.

All her life, the people of Mewni seemed to hate her. They didn't believe in her. They didn't trust her. They didn't want her here.

Sure, maybe she'd been reckless once. She'd used to destroy things regularly as a child, to set fire to things and break with the tradition and etiquette of the royal family before.

But now, even now they still consider her a laughingstock. Like she's still that little kid who cared only for herself and for her little games. Even after she'd fought off Meteora, Toffee, Ludo, even after she'd saved their Kingdom from tyranny and darkness, they laughed.

So desperately had she wanted to prove her worth to her people, now more so than ever.

Yet it seemed that whatever she would try to do, they'd never acknowledge her efforts. They'd always find something to criticize, to comment on.

She'd defeated Toffee, she'd helped defeat Ludo, yet to them, she loved all Monsters.

She'd paid more attention to her royal duties, yet she was still apparently a child who couldn't be entrusted with anything serious.

She'd learned more about harnessing magic and spells, yet she was an incompetent buffoon who couldn't hold her own in a stressful situation.

Couldn't they see that she was trying?

That she'd lost her own mother-

Her thoughts froze up at the thought of her mother, and almost immediately, her demeanor shifted from one of pent-up anger to one of downcast sorrow. The weight of her absence began to bear down on her for the seemingly millionth time, and her heart began to feel heavy with her absence. Negative thoughts began to swell in her mind again, thoughts that both frightened her and continuously dragged her downward, and they continued to pop up repeatedly, faster and faster, until…

"Star?" Marco concernedly asked, putting his hand on her shoulder whilst gazing towards her downcast frown and still posture.

"Uh- huh? What?" Star confusedly snapped, jumping out of her mind as she was pulled back into the real world by his touch.

"You okay?"

"Oh, yeah! Totally… just uh… thinkin' to myself…" She stumbled out, putting on the best smile she could muster.

Marco raised an eyebrow at that statement, able to tell that whatever she was thinking about was something more important than she let on to believe. Her stature didn't budge though, and it was clear she didn't want to talk about what was troubling her, at least, not now.

"Alright… just know you can always talk to me, okay?"

"Yeah yeah, I know." She said rather quietly.

For a moment both of the teens were silent, but then River was quick to inject into the conversation. "Come on lads, let's go!"

River seemed just as distraught as Star was, although instead of having a more subdued attitude, was furious, mumbling to himself aloud, voicing the internal debate going on in his head as he walked forward, leading the group as both Star and Marco trailed after him.

They went down the same path they'd always went down, quiet as they waited for River to eventually cool off before planning where to look next.

The silence, however, was not helpful to Star in any way, because it meant she'd be left to her thoughts once again.

Once her surroundings settled down and her steps became more repetitive, her mind traced back to that play, her thoughts continuing down the same train of thought as before.

'What would mom do in a situation like this?' She asked herself, silently wishing that Moon was still there to help her.

Her thoughts began to shift.

'She'd get herself together and stop moping about She'd get to work and get stuff done. She'd actually do her job well. She'd push herself and outdo herself to be triumphant in the end, always level headed and prepared, always up for the challenge. That's why she'd gotten her title after all, Moon the Undaunted.'

And then she compared her to herself…

The girl who seemed to wreck everything her family stood for, who couldn't even garner respect from the peasants nor the nobles, who had no idea how to face the challenges of governing an entire kingdom herself.

The girl who had to rely on others to save her all the time, whether it was Moon, Eclipsa, River, Marco, or anyone else.

The girl who threw away old tradition and disregarded culture.

The girl who'd disappointed her parents and people so much that they'd decided to send her off to another dimension just so they wouldn't have to deal with the damage she'd create.

How did her achievements compare to those of her mother's? How could they even?

How could she even think to be on the same footing as her one day?

To be called Queen in the wake of people like her?

Maybe…

Maybe that's why everyone laughed at her.

She wasn't that rebel princess who'd change everything and make Mewni a better place.

She wouldn't be that queen who everyone, including monsters, would love and remember.

No.

Instead, she'd be that rebel princess whose desire to be different would destroy Mewni and it's legacy.

Now, more than ever, it was clear.

She wasn't good enough. She never was, and never would be.

* * *

A/N: might make this a two-shot i dunno


	2. Learn

Star crept through the halls of the castle in silence, quietly brewing inside with a feeling of uneasiness.

They'd returned from today's search none the wiser, just like every other day.

And maybe, if it were any other day, she'd leave it at that. She'd go to bed and think, 'Hey, it's alright. We can search for her again tomorrow.' She'd stay positive and always think there was more time to keep going.

But today, her outlook on things had changed.

As they'd continued their search for Moon through the day, she began to gain a new awareness of her surroundings that wasn't present before.

It was no longer just a blank surrounding in which the only thoughts in her mind related to something personal or something relating to a mission.

The people seemed to look more hardened and serious. They no longer seemed to have this blind optimism and admittedly, blank and definite outlook on things.

There was a gleam in their eyes that she'd never noticed before. A sense of resolve and desire to achieve more in their lives, to push and strive for new opportunities never realized before.

They seemed more free, in a sense. More aware and active than ever.

Then, the sense of time began to play into her mind for the first time as she'd trekked through the dirt trodden streets.

The days no longer seemed as infinite as they once had, and for a moment, the thought of everything's inevitable end began to dawn on her, causing this weird feeling of angst and fear for the far future.

The feeling of freedom that had once seemed so abundant to her had seemed to fade away, replaced by this feeling of obligation to the crown she wore. She began to feel more boxed in by her responsibilities, by her definite path as Queen of Mewni.

She finished her trek across the dimly lit hallway and up the numerous staircases, opening the door to her room. She paused for a moment, then in a gentle and silent manner, went to her bed and laid down, gazing at the roof.

She felt uneasy at the thought of that crown.

Of sitting in the throne, having the ability to decide the fate of thousands and lead a nation into its demise or rise.

Ever since birth she'd known that was where she was going to end up. No matter what, she was told, she'd be the one who'd lead this kingdom into the future.

So, as it seemed the people were starting to become more educated, more aware and freer, she would've been the one who helped them. Who helped them towards a better future and made progress.

So she felt contempt towards herself for failing to reach that goal.

For not being able to rise up to the challenge well enough.

For failing to be a respected and beloved ruler.

For not accepting her inevitable place as Queen and taking the right measures to prepare for it earlier on, before this entire mess happened.

But another voice within her seemed to argue with this reasoning.

By being Queen, she'd have to slowly but surely, start losing her own freedom, becoming bound to the throne of leadership more and more with each passing day. A mix of feelings replaced her previous self-critical attitude.

A resentment towards that crown and that throne, which she had no choice in being assigned to.

An anger for having to give up doing everything she'd loved to do to become more 'proper' and neat.

A hatred for those who'd laughed at her, who refused to acknowledge her attempts at making herself better and continually trying to weaken her.

But most importantly, a desire.

A yearning for something.

Something she couldn't quite pin down.

To no longer have this weight upon her, and now that it seemed that her people didn't want her either, it seemed the best time to just…

Stop.

To stop trying after having failed so, so many times.

Her mind felt muddled, muddled in the sense that it was conflicted and confused in what it wanted. Her thoughts came in a jumbled mess that always seemed to counter the other, and ultimately, she didn't know what to do anymore, because on one hand, she wanted to be a good ruler, to be the one who made things different for once. Yet, on the other hand, the very role of Queen seemed to conflict with her inner soul, to give up her personality and just become a blank slate that lost emotion.

All these thoughts, all because she'd realized her failures now.

Now instead of earlier.

Now instead of later.

It had to be now, when it seemed the only voice of guidance in her life was gone, and never seemed to be coming back.

…

She shifted her attention from her thoughts and paused, looking around her as if for an answer, a solution.

She found none, only left to the silence of her room and the growing darkness of the encroaching night.

Oddly enough, she found comfort in the silence. The lack of any noise or conversation was peaceful, and it helped ease her thoughts if not completely, at least a little bit.

Very rarely would she find any appreciation in contemplation, in a dreary and searching silence. But now was one of those times, in which the lack of movement and sound seemed to soothe her.

To simply be a part of the world, doing nothing and simply listening quietly as time went by. To forget her worldly troubles and breathe in a different plane of existence in which everything around her seemed to carry less weight.

It was humbling, in a sense.

And it seemed for a second, that she could forget.

That she could forget her problems, and leave them off for another day. Like she'd done every other day.

That sleep would overtake her, and her mind would find that rest it so desperately desired, even if only temporary and short.

But then, a sound.

It shook Star's increasingly wearied and tired mind back into full attention, and shattered that silent and calming atmosphere that had taken so long to develop as her thoughts started to crash back into her brain.

It was a knock on the door.

Rather reluctantly, she spoke up.

"It's open."

As she waited for whoever it was to open up, she sighed to herself, wishing to go back to when everything seemed so much simpler, and so much more fun. Now she was here, struggling to fix her past mistakes when they could've been avoided from the start.

"Hey Star."

Star visibly shifted at the sound of the voice, rather startled by his presence. Quickly doing her best to stuff her thoughts away, she, rather embarassedly, attempted to form a sentence.

"h-Hey Marco! Hehe, didn't notice ya there! What are you doing up so late?"

Marco raised an incredulous eyebrow at her question.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? What's been on your mind, Star?"

He knew all of her tricks at this point. Really, it was weird how she was so bad at lying through all this time.

Her giggle was just so unnatural, and that smile…

But he digressed. Something was gnawing away at Star, and as the day passed and Star seemed to grow more and more gloomy. It seemed to affect their search, as Star seemed to keep to herself a bit more, and lost that flair of excitement that was her trademark.

And he, knowing that look and attitude from Star, knew something was wrong and immediately resolved to help.

There was an awkward silence between the two, and while Marco kept his gaze towards her, Star nervously fumbled with her own fingers, avoiding eye contact as her doubts started to flare up in her mind again.

Marco noticed her change in avoidant demeanor, and sighed for a moment, bashing himself for just barging into her room, asking her to spill when she wasn't ready to talk yet.

Clearly what he was doing was just causing her more problems for the time being…

…

"I-I'm sorry Star. I didn't mean to come off like that… It's just that you've been acting off all day. You were just so silent and so apprehensive… It just worries me to see you like this all of a sudden. What's wrong?"

He shifted from a somewhat agressive tone to a more concerned and apologetic tone as he spoke, and he stared at her pleadingly, desiring an answer just so that he could help, help in any way possible.

Star cracked under his concerned stare, feeling the urge to just vent.

To finally speak and let these thoughts out in hope someone would listen.

But she didn't know what she was thinking. She didn't even know what exactly her problem was anymore. And so, all she could let out was a depressive sigh.

"I don't even know anymore…"

Marco walked up towards her and sat beside her on the bed, speaking up again.

"What do you mean by that?"

Star pondered his question for a moment, and still, no coherent answer could come out.

"I just don't know how to look at everything anymore, Marco… It all seems so different now…"

"Why? Everything seemed to be fine when we started off in the morni-"

He thought back to the play which he had done his best to forget about shortly after watching it.

"Was it because of the show we saw on the street this morning?"

"It's not just about the show, it's about what they said-"

"But none of that stuff is true, you know that! They just don't get it!"

He felt an animosity towards the common people, who found it completely justifiable to just cast off and discriminate monsters, and in turn, turn against Star for her cooperation with them.

"No Marco, you don't get it!"

He was startled by the outburst, and caught off guard by what she'd said.

"I'm supposed to be their leader! I'm supposed to be the one who makes good choices and guide them forward! But all I've ever seemed to do was just mess around and destroy everything! I've never even done anything good for them… never made their lives better…"

He continued to look dumbfoundedly at her, listening to her speak about herself degradingly as if she was of no value.

"What kind of Queen can say she just, I dunno, burnt half the down and caused so much damage with her wand in a single day? What kind of success am I when I can't even find my mother when the Kingdom needs her more than ever? All I've ever been was a failure, and I see that now…"

She spoke those words with conviction, and it only made Marco feel more determined to counter her and prove her wrong about that statement.

"Don't say that Star! You're more than that. I know you're more than that. You can't just let what a few people say get to yo-"

"It's not just a few people Marco! Can't you see? It's everyone! Everyone just looks at me as if I can't do anything right! And it's not like they're wrong! I couldn't keep my wand safe from the monsters, I couldn't keep the kingdom safe while it was under attack, and most importantly, I couldn't even bother to take on my responsibilities as Queen…"

"I…"

He was at a loss for words. It pained him to listen to Star saying this about herself, and despite wanting to say she was wrong, he realized saying so would go nowhere.

"I know… I know you're trying to help Marco… and I really appreciate it… but a bunch of lies isn't going to make anything different, because what they're saying is true… I'm not good enough."

He considered what Star had said.

He pondered what was said by the actors in that play, and how, whatever was said, could be true.

And for a moment, he tried to get rid of that voice saying that whatever the mewmans were saying was wrong and to consider their statements on a more objective level.

And while it hurt him to say it, he could see where they were coming from.

She'd thrown away their traditions and seemed to adopt those of Earth rather quickly, which again, reminded him of an important fact.

He was from Earth. These people were raised differently.

Their viewpoints were going to differ, but that was going to be expected considering that he lived in a more progressive era.

So with that fact in account, he had to understand that their hatred of monsters was something innate, and something that, at least for now, couldn't be done away with.

He had to understand that, to them, what Star was doing was incredibly radical, something that would bring the end times upon them.

So he accepted the fact that the mewmans had reason to dislike Star, as Star had seemed to accept herself earlier this day. He may not have agreed with their beliefs or their means of argument, but he conceded that their anger and disdain was not baseless.

And Star could see that realization in his eyes, and that sliver of hope that was wishing he'd say otherwise, faded on the spot, making Star feel even more dejected than before. She sighed, and shrank into her bed once more, feeling a new distance between herself and Marco.

"I'm not good enough for this crown…" She said aloud.

But this statement sparked something within Marco, and made Marco realize at least one thing that could be changed about Star's outlook on things.

He immediately spoke.

"So you aren't good enough. What happens now, Star?"

Now it was Star's turn to be confused. Where was he going with this?

"I don't know, nothing? How's this supposed to help?"

"So you're saying you aren't good enough Star. You've realized that, and although I disagree, what should you do now?"

Star only rose from her bed and looked at him, puzzled and unsure of how to answer.

He relented and gave her his answer.

"You learn, Star."

"You learn from your mistakes, and you make yourself better. It may seem like your failures are there forever, but they aren't. Just like how you practice magic and slowly improve, you can get better and prove everyone wrong, once and for all. Just because they say you've done wrong, doesn't mean you can't fix it. You've gotta realize that."

"Right now it may seem like the whole world is against you, and maybe it seems like nothing will change for you, that nothing will get better. But believe me, it can get better. I've lived in the shadows all my life. Nobody even bothered to know my name or talk to me outside of the few friends I had, and then you came to me and showed me that light, and my whole world was improved. Because of you, I learned to stop being so overprotective, to start being more open to things. I improved. You think your mom knew how to rule a kingdom from day one? No. She had to learn each and every day, face a task that seemed impossible."

"You can do the same. I know you can, I've seen you do it, so, so many times before. And I know, sometimes the path gets rough and it seems impossible to go onwards, especially right now, but you've been through so much before. Why let now stop you? You've got more people by your side than ever, and just like you've been with me through thick and thin, so will I. The people may say you're doing a bad job now, but give it time. Give it time and just do whatever you can. That's all any of us can hope to do."

* * *

A/N: whew, this came out late.

I tried to show a desire to strive for improvement, rather than Star simply concluding she wasn't good enough in the first part. Maybe it doesn't take into account the severity of the mistakes she's made? Maybe she took things too seriously? In all honesty, the reviews I got for this thing seemed a bit mixed, some saying I was too harsh on Star's reflection and some saying it was rather accurate, and it was a bit weird trying to take both viewpoints into account here. Especially with Star's rebel attitude and her obligations to actually being Queen.

Hopefully it ends on an uplifting note while still showing that Star has come out from this experience anew, starting to learn and improve from her experiences instead of just leave them behind, especially with what Marco says at the end. If it fails at that, oh well, what can I do :P

Thank you all for reading, and thank you all for the reviews!


End file.
